True Confessions of a Quarter-Life Crisis

Just as you are? Not thinner? Not cleverer? Not with slightly bigger breasts or slightly smaller nose?

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Eeesh...

Feeling like a terrible loser today and I can't quite put my finger on as to why...

Looove these moods. Truly.

A few notable occurences: I'll be house-sitting for one of our country directors for four weeks starting on the 25th. Definitely cool for a few reasons, those being: the house is absolutely gorgeous and about 5 minutes from work. Wait, didn't I say there were a few notable occurences? I can't seem to think what the others are. Maybe there weren't any.

I'm feeling terribly fat, per usual. I also missed my workout yesterday, but am hoping to redeem myself this afternoon. Then I'm off to a surprise party for one of my best girls, figure I should attend, since I'm not going to be able to go to her real party on Friday anyway. Already dreading what to wear. Again, awesome.

Still very excited about going to my parents on Friday, keeping my fingers crossed that I actually make it, of course, since I'm flying stand-by. Things look good at the moment, however.

All right, I really really really need to get my ass on the ball and write these articles. I am just so uninspired. And whiny. Shocker...

Monday, April 10, 2006

Games, Jake. Silly Torturous Games.

So, it was a really fun weekend, alas nothing new and exciting to report. Other than drinking my weight in Blue Cups. Why do I even have a blog? Honestly.

Possibly the first Alumni Weekend ever that I haven't gotten laid. Although, that feels like progress in a lot of ways. I really don't need to sleep with any of them. I know better. It only messes with my head in the long run. So, it's a good thing.

Tell that to my libido, though. If you can find it.

In a strange twist of events, it looks like I will be heading to my parent's for Easter. I was chatting with my mom last night and she was like, "we should get you a flight home," and then, incidentally, did. I am actually thrilled, except for not wanting anyone to see me in the resurgence of my chubby-awkward phase. But that's the thing about family. They really just love you. Just as you are.

I miss my niece terribly and am sooo thrilled to spoil her rotten all weekend (read: Friday night, Saturday and Sunday morning). Awhhh, bubba. Not her real name. We're not that fucked up.

The only downside of this, and it happens to be quite big, is that I'll be missing my best friend's birthday party. It's Friday and I've got to say, I am quite disappointed. Although I did spend the better part of March with her in some sort of tropical locale and haven’t seen the fam since Christmas. I'm lucky that she's such a baller that she won't even blink an eye...

I'm hoping to get my diet on track for the rest of this week and maybe I can really get some hardcore workouts in. I'd really like to be looking good when I go see the fam, you know, just a bit better than the last time the say me, anyway. Since my weight continues not to budge, my newest goal is to lose 12lbs by graduation: May 14th. This is going to require some dedication, but I know I can do it. I am just going to have to start reining myself in on the weekends and really start taking my workouts up a notch. No excuses.

K, back to the grind...

Friday, April 07, 2006

Score One: Upside

Yeah, so I still have not budged a pound. Which is weird. But, the inches are still coming off. Here go the stats:

Bust: 30.5''
Waist: 29.5"
Hips: 37.75''
Thigh: 23.75"
Arm: 12"

On an upside, I did pass the swim test. (Yes, my university requires a swim test. Yes, I am as appalled as you are.) Downside, ran into His girlfriend. Upside, have the day off from work.

Chock one up to the upside. It is early, however...

The Boys are trickling in, hopefully I'll have at least a few tales from the trenches.

Let the drinking begin....

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Two Words: Hell Week

I have virtually no energy for anything remotely creative (essentially then, this will be like every entry except much shorter), so i will spare you my insolent whining.

Alas, I make it short and sweet: work is insane, although it will be over in one more day and I haven't quite decided whether I am excited for or dreading the arrival of The Boys. It's kind of like having to throw up...

So goes my life.

And here are my measurements from last Friday, before they disappear and I have nothing to compare my weight against (yes, amidst everything I manage to think about this):

Waist: 30.25"
Hips: 38.75"
Bust: 31"
Thigh: 24"
Arm: 12.25"

There that's it. I am now crawling in bed with my one and only savior: Harry Potter.

Monday, April 03, 2006

Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch...

Another lazy-ass weekend...

Not a damn thing new to report. I didn't go to the wedding because it is pollen-hell here, and had I been able to open my eyes on Saturday, I probably would have been excited to shower or get out of my pajamas, let alone make it all the way to a wedding. I did get in a few good workouts and watched a couple of movies, (omg, you HAVE to rent Memoirs of a Geisha). That is about the extent of my oh-so-exciting life. Rockin....

I have about a month's worth of research that needs to be done by Friday, appropriate then, that I am biding my time here talking about nothing . Time for this girl to get in the zone. I tend to do better under pressure, anyway, and the crazier this week becomes, the sweeter this weekend will be, as I am being forced to go out like a rockstar. I know, I know, social interaction. Crazy.

The Boys will be in town and in full-effect this weekend, which should prove interesting at the very least. Unfortunately, I'm not predicting any kind of sexual interaction whatsoever, but the "old me" is still getting a full-leg and bikini wax "just in case." I'm really at a place where sleeping with any of them is no longer worth it in terms of bullshit, as my man-whore quota is full for about the next five years. But damn, am I craving a lil physical attention. I mean, usually, after extended periods of celibacy, I have a tendency to lose interest. But this time around it has been the complete opposite. There is nothing in sight in that regard, I mean, at this point I'm just scraping by for a good go-to fantasy, for Christ's sake. Not to mention, the idea of getting naked in front of someone is about as appealing as the aforementioned hot wax.

So, yeah. Back to work.

Friday, March 31, 2006

Exciting Social and Sexual Exploits Forthcoming. No, Really...

So, not feeling nearly as psychotic today, but I am slightly disgruntled after getting on the scale and noting that, despite another week of hard work, my weight had not budged one single pound. Argh. But, I'm not letting this get me down, as I have notably lost a few inches overall. This would be my usual time to give up completely and begin a weekend long binge. Not this time. I WILL be unbelievably hot for my 25th birthday and I am looking forward to the time when this blog becomes much more entertaining, filled with all my social and sexual exploits.

I was watching this show on FitTv the other night and one of the trainers said something that really resonated with me: "You can make excuses or you can make choices." Not quite sure why exactly that one hit the spot, but it did. I can give up when things don't go my way, or I can stick with and change will inevitably come. I'll opt for the latter, although, unfortunately, my dreams of being under 140 lbs by the time the boys roll in is looking less and less likely. So, here's the plan: 1. Definitely going to up the cardio, sprinting intervals for an hour 3 x week, high incline power-walking at least twice a week 2. Time to cut out my beloved frozen yogurt, at least during the week. It was keeping my sweet tooth in check, but I can do the same thing with fewer calories with a regular non-fat yogurt. And Lord knows I have issues with sticking with the 1/2 cup recommended serving size. 3. Also time to cut out my after workout protein smoothie. While this is low in calories, it is later at night, something I had qualms about, but the book I was following suggested it, so I figured I'd give it a whirl. Obviously not helping anything and I am getting plenty of protein during the day anyway.

So, starting next week, I'll go ahead and implement these changes and hopefully be feeling better then ever next Friday. Please.

So, the boss is out most of the day today, I am hoping hoping hoping that I can finally get over my writer's block and crank out this letter and my upcoming story. I have a huge project that needs to be done by the end of next week, so the more I can get done today, the better. At least a little structure should help me along. I just love how I am dying of boredom for days and then everything gets dumped in my lap on a Friday before a short week. Damn you Murphy's Law.

And no exciting plans for the weekend, just a weird shotgun wedding and a much needed pedicure this afternoon. I swear, when I get back in shape, I will have some more entertaining entries. Although this wedding may prove interesting on a few levels...

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Hell Hath No Fury...

I feel terrible today. Terrible. And I can not, for the life of me, put my finger on it. It could be my period, my diet, work, this annoying letter to the editor I'm writing about the atrocious demonstration by Students for Life on campus the other day. It could be because I am going to have see Him and all his friends next weekend, it could be because my little brother got his heart broken for the umpteenth time this week or because my conference in Boston fell through and I won't get to see my sister. I have no idea, it is probably some ridiculous conglomeration of all these things and more, I am sure there are ones floating around that I haven't named, as of yet. But for whatever reason, I am angsty as hell.

And I really really don't want to be at work today. Not in the least. This would in essence be the perfect day to play hooky, get a looooong workout in and then stay in all day watching movies. Alas, I have no more sick time for the rest of the month, no more petty time, and not even enough money to rent a fucking movie because I get paid tomorrow. I am trying to muster up the ability to just suck it up and at least get a ton of work done in hopes that time will fly by, but I am afraid that may just be wishful thinking.

What the fuck is wrong with me?! I felt great earlier this week, I don't know what happened to all my steam. And now that I am in ultra-negative mode, I am starting to get scared that I won't have lost any weight when I weigh in tomorrow. I have been working soooo hard, it would be devastating. I would really like to be under 140 lbs by the time the boys get here, and I am thinking that it's definitely time to kick my cardio up a notch. If any personal trainers come across this, I'd love to hear what you think. Right now I'm doing 45 minutes of circuit training, 3 times a week (basically, I do lighter weights with more reps, but I make sure to work my muscles to fatigue), abs 3 times a week, back work twice a week, and 4-6 days of hour-long moderate cardio. I have to be losing weight, it might just be in my head, but I feel like I can see a difference in my body already. My plan is starting next week to up my cardio sessions in terms of intensity. For the last two weeks I have been walking at a moderate, brisk pace for and hour, but I am thinking that now that I am getting back in the swing of things I should be able to up my cardio. At they very least, if it's too much, I can always take it back down. My plan is to start running intervals for an hour on the days that I circuit train (3 days a week) and on my off days, continue to walk but at a slower pace with a high incline. Then maybe, make Saturday a more moderate cardio day.

Okay, so constructively thinking about my workouts made me feel a little better. Now if I can just translate that energy into the rest of my day, I might actually stand a chance at surviving the longest week EVER. I am just soooo ready to see results and to start feeling the confidence that comes along with making all these changes. For better or worse, I have always been the kind of person who places a lot of value upon how I look, not so much in a superficial sense, but as more of a pay-off for all my hard work. I just want to be proud of myself, inside and out, once again.