I feel terrible today. Terrible. And I can not, for the life of me, put my finger on it. It could be my period, my diet, work, this annoying letter to the editor I'm writing about the atrocious demonstration by Students for Life on campus the other day. It could be because I am going to have see Him and all his friends next weekend, it could be because my little brother got his heart broken for the umpteenth time this week or because my conference in Boston fell through and I won't get to see my sister. I have no idea, it is probably some ridiculous conglomeration of all these things and more, I am sure there are ones floating around that I haven't named, as of yet. But for whatever reason, I am angsty as hell.
And I really really don't want to be at work today. Not in the least. This would in essence be the perfect day to play hooky, get a looooong workout in and then stay in all day watching movies. Alas, I have no more sick time for the rest of the month, no more petty time, and not even enough money to rent a fucking movie because I get paid tomorrow. I am trying to muster up the ability to just suck it up and at least get a ton of work done in hopes that time will fly by, but I am afraid that may just be wishful thinking.
What the fuck is wrong with me?! I felt great earlier this week, I don't know what happened to all my steam. And now that I am in ultra-negative mode, I am starting to get scared that I won't have lost any weight when I weigh in tomorrow. I have been working soooo hard, it would be devastating. I would really like to be under 140 lbs by the time the boys get here, and I am thinking that it's definitely time to kick my cardio up a notch. If any personal trainers come across this, I'd love to hear what you think. Right now I'm doing 45 minutes of circuit training, 3 times a week (basically, I do lighter weights with more reps, but I make sure to work my muscles to fatigue), abs 3 times a week, back work twice a week, and 4-6 days of hour-long moderate cardio. I have to be losing weight, it might just be in my head, but I feel like I can see a difference in my body already. My plan is starting next week to up my cardio sessions in terms of intensity. For the last two weeks I have been walking at a moderate, brisk pace for and hour, but I am thinking that now that I am getting back in the swing of things I should be able to up my cardio. At they very least, if it's too much, I can always take it back down. My plan is to start running intervals for an hour on the days that I circuit train (3 days a week) and on my off days, continue to walk but at a slower pace with a high incline. Then maybe, make Saturday a more moderate cardio day.
Okay, so constructively thinking about my workouts made me feel a little better. Now if I can just translate that energy into the rest of my day, I might actually stand a chance at surviving the longest week EVER. I am just soooo ready to see results and to start feeling the confidence that comes along with making all these changes. For better or worse, I have always been the kind of person who places a lot of value upon how I look, not so much in a superficial sense, but as more of a pay-off for all my hard work. I just want to be proud of myself, inside and out, once again.